Existentialism

With the reminder I will have to deal with a family I never created all those who came before me. I never wanted to play house. I never wanted to have to think about how twisted society makes a person. We complain about helping the poor but no problem killing them if they are close to our "enemy". I feel I am collateral damage in this culture of teabags and Jesus of the Taliban and the GOP. Hate sells tickets racism sells votes fear sells guns and lies sell everything. How can I make meaning of these paradoxical coincidences. I realized I am trying to fit in to a culture that denies I exist at all. I deny my own self out of a perverted sense of self-preservation. Saving for what? a better day to die perhaps because today is not very much of what I want anymore.When I finish it will not be any better. A good job? for who? My family is trying to assist my survival. If I had faith perhaps I might as Johnny Cash said,"I would find myself. I would find a way." I have to go to elemental level to remember my nature. Mostly H, just like the stars. Even they get burned out. How about that?